one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
