How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
