sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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