I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
