Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
