I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
