Your face is a jimmy john
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
