If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
