i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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