He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
