is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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