I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
