And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's like iHOP with fire
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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