I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
