how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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