My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
