you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
