I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
