I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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