Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
