i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
there is glitter all over my balls
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
