We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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