Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
