Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
