He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
