Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this hospital has no fireball
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
