and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
