thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
