Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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