Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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