Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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