We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
