if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
