my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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