You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The adults are the big ones right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
