Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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