How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
