Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
