ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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