a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
