I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
