Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
