I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dear god my vagina.
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