Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
