So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
