the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
