i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
