that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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