When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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