You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
