i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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