The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
