I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
