let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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